The Remembering Self & Its Nemesis
I first came across the concept of the experiencing self and the remembering self in “Thinking, Fast and Slow” by Daniel Kahneman. It struck me as being core to how we live our lives and has stuck with me ever since.
This concept explained so clearly to me why I (my experiencing self) loved to binge-watch entire shows and impulse-buy snacks despite knowing that I (my remembering self) would terribly regret those same decisions that I had no reservations about making at the moment.
The experiencing self is best defined as the part of our consciousness that is active in the present moment, experiencing and reacting to the world around us. It is the part of us that is fully engaged in the sensory and emotional aspects of an experience as it unfolds.
On the other hand, the remembering self is the part of our consciousness that recalls and reflects upon past experiences. It is the part of us that remembers and evaluates the emotions and thoughts we had during an experience, as well as the overall outcome of the experience.
It occurred to me that perhaps living a fulfilling life was about sating just enough of the experiencing self to intentionally make the “correct” decision for the remembering self.
It was also about being kind to ourselves. More specifically, kind to our future selves in the same way we would to a loved one. We give gifts and throw surprises because it will make them happy and create a lasting memory for them. Why not sleep early, exercise often, and eat right so that our remembering self looks back and thanks our past self?
We can think intentionally about making decisions that will benefit both our experiencing self and our remembering self. This involves finding that balance between enjoying immediate pleasures and considering the long-term impact of our actions. For example, we might choose to indulge in a dessert after a healthy meal or take a structured 15-minute break from focused work to relax and recharge.
At the end of the day, it’s important to recognize that our experiencing self and remembering self may have different preferences, and that’s okay. By acknowledging and balancing these preferences, we can make decisions that align with our values and help us lead a more fulfilling life. This might involve setting goals and creating positive habits that support both our immediate and long-term well-being.
So what can we do to find, for lack of a better word, this “balance”?
One way is to practice mindfulness. Mindfulness involves being fully present and aware of our thoughts, feelings, and sensations in the moment, without judgment or distraction. By cultivating mindfulness, we can better connect with our experiencing self and appreciate the present moment. This can help us make those intentional decisions and create positive memories that our remembering self will appreciate.
Once we have those memories, we can use them to boost our well-being. By focusing on positive memories and savoring them, we can build a more positive outlook and increase our overall happiness in a way founded on gratitude. We can also use memories as a tool for personal growth, reflecting on past experiences and using them to inform our present and future actions.
If you’d like to dig into the concept more rigorously…
The concept of the experiencing self and the remembering self was first proposed by the psychologist and Nobel laureate Daniel Kahneman and his colleague, the psychologist and economist Richard Thaler. They introduced the concept in their paper “Economic Analysis and the Psychology of Utility: Applications to Compensation Policy” in 1991, and further developed it in Kahneman’s book mentioned above, “Thinking, Fast and Slow” which was published in 2011.
